


Dumb Ways to Die

by TheLillie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, POV Second Person, Stream of Consciousness, i'm depressed and so is jasper, the violence isn't super graphic but it's more than the show would allow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 03:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14323125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLillie/pseuds/TheLillie
Summary: If your form’s destroyed, you’ll disappear with just the gem left behind, and then you’ll be back good as new before you know it. When humans die, they leave all sorts of pieces behind. And they don’t come back.But there was one way, you learned, that a Gem could die almost like a human, could leave pieces behind and never come back.





	1. Shattering

You learned early on how easy it is for humans to die, and by how many methods, and often how wet it is when they do. They’re so soft and squashy and full of liquid, and when they fall, they stay there, and the liquid spills out.

In one of your first battles, a whole community of humans was caught in the crossfire. Some of them escaped or were protected by the enemy, but most of them died. 

In a battle soon after that one, you learned that you could die, too. You could fight your hardest and dodge your fastest and defend your strongest, but a sudden spear could still stab through your middle from behind, and you could disappear.

The rebels called it “poofing.” A stupid term, fitting for a stupid army. But even you, stubborn to the end, had to admit that the word worked for describing what was happening. Get hurt badly enough, and poof, there you go.

That didn’t mean you’d ever use it, though. Retreating into your gem, or dissipating your form--those terms worked well enough. Or dying.

Of course, it’s nowhere near the same as when humans die. If your form’s destroyed, you’ll disappear with just the gem left behind, and then you’ll be back good as new before you know it. When humans die, they leave all sorts of pieces behind. And they don’t come back.

* * *

You didn’t die again for a long time after the first, but you saw plenty of times from your allies and enemies how many ways it could happen. They’d get caught in an explosion or bashed on the head, or they’d fall from too high, or their gem would just get wrenched out of their body. Poof, poof, poof, poof. And they came back, sooner or later.

But there was one way, you learned, that a Gem could die almost like a human, could leave pieces behind and never come back.

When you found out that it had happened to Her, you learned a new way to die. You could die of grief. You almost did, too.

But instead, you decided to keep going, and you decided to be stronger. You decided to be stronger than everything. You  _ were  _ stronger than everything. You  _ had to be  _ stronger than everything. You  _ are  _ stronger than everything.

So you survived. You fought. You killed. You lived. You showed your strength. You defended her legacy.

You didn’t win. But you survived.

 


	2. Fusion

You weren't designed for water. You're a creature of dryness, born from sand and dust and red into fire and desert and sun. Your cavern was formed by a river, sure, but every drop of it was gone by the time you emerged.

You were never meant for water--that's why it's so easy for you, now, to die from drowning.

* * *

When a human dies, they cease to be a human, and they become something else. They become a shell. Their identity, everything that they were, is gone.

You’re learning now that this is another way that you can die.

You came back to this place, this awful planet where she died (where you were born, where you died too, where you became who you are), because you figured it'd give you a chance at redemption, at justice. You were expecting a dramatic battle, an overwhelming victory, a sense of triumph.

Instead, you're truly dying now; specifically, you're drowning, and not even at the hands of the rebels.

You weren’t meant for water. She is nothing  _ but  _ water.

And the worst part is, you brought this on yourself.

You weren’t meant for water, and she knows it, and she takes advantage of it. Every second, every moment is water, chaining the arms and choking the throat that you share. Even when you try to retreat into your mind, it’s all water, it’s all her, and she’s shoving you down. Every second, every moment, she's stamping you out and she's killing you.

It's a slow death. For all her efforts, she can't seem to just destroy you completely--that’d be setting you free, in a way. So for months you drown and you drown and you're never fully drowned.

And you brought it on yourself. She won't let you forget that. And she won't let you forget that you deserve it.

Gradually the 'you’ becomes plural, as you intertwine tighter and tighter, sinking and suffocating together. You're both dying, and you can each feel the other slipping and struggling, fighting in perfect sync to stay alive and knowing that with every strike you're just killing yourself. And then finally, despite your best efforts, the split between you snaps and you aren't who you are and 'you’ is singular once more.


	3. Corruption

Separating feels like dying. There's an arrow and an explosion and Malachite is gone, never coming back.

You wake up dry, parched, craving water. You return to the ocean and spend weeks submerged. It's not enough. You're craving her, too.

Do you want to be back in that prison again? Deep down, do you just want to die? No, of course not--you want to survive. 

But more than that. You want to be strong. If death is the price of strength, then so be it.

And if you do die, if she does kill you. Would it be so bad?

When she shoves you away, you change your plan. You seek rain, you seek snow. All the water you can get. And it doesn't work, it doesn't help, it's not enough! It's not working! You aren't meant for this! This is not what you were made for!

You were made for Her _. _

You leave the ocean and make your way back to the desert. All the way back to the sun and sand and fire and dust. And the place where you were born is just as you remember it.

But now, you'll make it better. For her.

* * *

But she's dead. And you never mattered to her anyway, did you?

This is another way you can die. You can die from suicide. You can die from sickness. You can die from insanity.

You can lash out, but it's still your own fault, you're still weak and you're still a failure. You can attack and accuse and resist and refuse, but the blue will still tear up your skin like a sunburn.

You can't get a chance to ponder the irony that even after being spit out by the water and running miles away, it's still ocean-blue that'll claim you in the end.

And you can roar and you can shout, and you can pound and claw at the ground, and even as you scream her name and your vision turns black, you'll still die.

Though everything that was you is gone now, you can still move, you can still breathe. You can still sense Rose Quartz in front of you and all your rage and grief and confusion can still push you forward--but a sudden spear can still stab through your middle, and you can disappear.


End file.
